Maybe you know this situation: for months, it was unthinkable for your child to be put to bed by anyone other than you. And then – suddenly – it works. Or maybe not..
Sometimes it’s a surprising breakthrough, sometimes a frustrating experience for everyone involved.
Why this happens can be explained – and it has a lot to do with attachment, habit, and development.
Attachment is the key
Babies and toddlers strongly orient their behavior around their primary caregivers.
For many children – especially in the first months of life – this is the mother.
But that doesn’t mean that dad is less important.
It simply means that your child has linked a very strong bedtime ritual with you (often the person who provides the most closeness and care).
When dad takes over, it’s unfamiliar at first for your child.
It can be unsettling because the usual “falling asleep strategy” is missing.
But this is exactly where the learning process begins: children can also fall asleep with dad – sometimes even faster when they realize that the routines are similar and reliable.
Why it suddenly works
There are several reasons why it works all of a sudden:
1. Getting used to dad’s rituals
The more often dad takes over the evening routine, the more familiar it becomes for your child.
Routines provide security – regardless of who carries them out.
2. Developmental maturity
As your child gets older, they become more flexible in handling changes.
They can better understand: “Dad is putting me to bed today, but mom is still here.”
3. New experiences of security
When dad comforts, plays, feeds, or offers closeness during the day or on other occasions, it strengthens trust in him for bedtime as well.
Why it sometimes doesn’t work
Sometimes there are setbacks despite all efforts – even if it has worked before.
– Separation phases: During times when children are especially clingy (e.g., around the 8th–10th month or during the toddler “no” phase), they may want only mom to put them to bed again.
– Changes in daily life: Starting daycare, vacations, illness – all of this can disrupt the bedtime process significantly.
– Sleep associations: If your child strongly associates falling asleep with nursing, being carried, or a specific person, it’s harder to change that habit.
What can help
– Let dad regularly take over the evening routine – not just when it’s absolutely necessary.
– Keep the process as similar as possible, no matter who puts the child to bed.
– Give your child time to get used to the new situation.
– Avoid evening arguments – a calm, clear routine is most comfortable for children.
Conclusion
Whether dad can put your child to bed depends less on his “ability” and more on how familiar and safe your child experiences the situation.
With patience, consistency, and lots of closeness, this transition can succeed – and be a relief for everyone.
If you’d like to know how to make the change gentle without it becoming a stressful situation for your child, feel free to reach out to me.
Together we’ll find a way that works for your family – so that dad can also put your child to bed calmly.
